While it is true that every union in the world tends to be unique, this particularly holds true for marriage. Perhaps you have been invited to attend a gay wedding, and while you probably want to put your best foot forward, you likely have no clue of what is expected of you. While couples, no matter what their sexual orientation, often alter the traditions of marriage to complement their celebration better. However, if you have never attended a gay wedding before, then you should be aware of the standard code of polite behavior during these times.

1. Use the Couple’s Preferred Terminology

If you are nearly acquainted with the couple, perhaps you already know their preferred terminology, and they will not mind if you just use their names. However, even if you do not know the couple well, it is better that you use their names rather than making assumptions. When it comes to gay couples who are getting married, not all of them prefer to be called the “groom and groom” or the “bride and bride.” You should be able to figure out the term the couple prefers to be addressed as, but if not, just call them by their names.

2. Find a Card that Reflects the Couple’s gender and gender expressions

Now that there’s an increasing number of countries legalizing gay marriage, it should not be too hard to find a card that congratulates the couple using correct gender expressions. However, while same-sex wedding cards congratulating a couple as “Mr. & Mr.” or “Mrs. & Mrs.” are now readily available, they may not always be appropriate. Keeping in mind the above tip, make sure the card you select does not contain terms like “brides” or “grooms,” as the couple may not prefer them. If you care and support the couple’s union, then take your time to pick the perfect card.

3. Don’t Ask the Couple when/if they want to have children

You have no right to ask them that unless you are a close family member, and even then, it is impolite to ask them that on their wedding day. Whether or not to have children is a highly personal decision for a couple, and whether gay or straight, many couples do not want children. Even if you are merely curious and mean no harm, a gay couple is sure to feel uncomfortable when asked this question. So it is best not to bring this subject up at all, considering how complicated the non-traditional route to parenthood can be.

4. Expect to see Alternatives to Traditions

As mentioned, it is not uncommon for couples to alter marriage traditions, but in the case of a gay wedding, you should expect it to be extremely non-conventional. Most wedding traditions inherently happen to be applicable only to heterosexual couples, and even many of them choose not to incorporate certain traditions. However, expect either the absence or drastic alteration of most of the traditions you may have witnessed in a typical wedding in the past, or even your own. For instance, both partners may walk down the aisle together, or down separate aisles accompanied by their respective fathers, or there may not be a bouquet toss.

5. Let the Couple know you Support them

If the couple has invited you to their wedding, it is likely because they believe that you care about them and support their love, but you should still let them know that you indeed do. Keep in mind that most same-sex couples have been through a lot of waiting for gay marriage to be declared legal across the country. While you should not attend a wedding empty handed, the best gift you can give a same-sex couple is to celebrate their union with them and show your love and support for them.

6. Be careful with your words

While you should let the couple know how happy you feel for them and how proud you are, be wary of what you say. Getting gay marriage legalized has certainly been a struggle, but there is no need to discuss it on a same-sex couple’s wedding day. Similarly, if you do not agree to gay marriage but are still attending because you are close enough to the couple, then make an effort to keep your views to yourself. If you have been kindly invited but would rather not go, have the decency to excuse yourself and still congratulate the couple on their union.

7. Have fun

Ultimately, weddings — whether gay or otherwise — are a celebratory event that not only unifies a couple but also enables them to dance, drink and hang out with their loved ones. So, make sure you join in the couple’s celebration and have a great time because seeing that you are enjoying their big day as much as they are is sure to make them feel joyful.